seeing so many memorial posts for the kids from the shooting just makes me think of how i’d feel if i lost one of my own kids from the center. i’ve only known them for a semester and i already can’t imagine having to ever say goodbye. being a teacher brings out so many motherly instincts i didn’t know i had. i would do anything for my pre-k babies
tomorrow is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. thank god i’m going home.
when will this disaster and its aftermath ever set in? still so surreal whenever i think about it
going to meet up w/ my cute spin intructor to help him w/ his project on ending food waste?! we’re making banana bread…..and i don’t rly know him, at all. except for awkward smiles we give each other when we pass each other on campus.
this should be interesting.
with everything that’s happened over the past 6 months or so, i feel like i’ve really gotten to a point in my life where i’m realizing who my true friends are. regardless of what you put into a friendship and how much you love and care for a person, some people just aren’t good friends and that’s the way it is. it saddens me to let some people that have been such a large part of my life go - but at the same time, i remind myself that friendship is nothing without trust and i shouldn’t keep people in my life that make me feel worse about myself. it’s just unnecessary and destructive. i’ve always been all about putting other people first, but now i’m realizing that sometimes you have to be selfish.
it disappoints me that there seems to be so few people out there that put as much into their relationships and the people in their life, as i feel like i do. i thank god for having danielle here at school. having her as a roommate has been wonderful. i love meg and helen too, and i’ve really loved getting to know them, but obviously i’m not going to be as close to them at this point since we just became friends when i got to school this semester. danielle has been my fuckin’ girl, and i’m so grateful to have her and Will here, because i genuinely, deeply feel that they are just honest, good, down to earth people, and loyal friends. it’s so important to have people like that in your life, and i can’t wait to live with them next year.
i feel like i’m starting to have a different perspective on people in general. i’m really happy with where i’m at right now, as far as being content with where i’m going in life. the lack of stress has let me reflect on a lot of other things. i’m trying to feel just as content with all the other aspects of my life, as well.
i feel like a fool for always missing you and i wish it would stop
i miss my boys from home. halloween seems so far away. i just wanna schnugggle em and get drunk and sillly
i don’t have any guy friends at school and it sucks bawls
sometimes loving people so endlessly is the most frustrating and exhausting thing in the world. even when i think i’ve finally convinced myself to stop caring, i still wake up randomly at 4am in tears over people who don’t deserve it
still thinking about how much of an idiot i was. why do i let my fear overcome so much? such deja vu from last fall when i thought i had lost you forever. you would think i wouldn’t have pushed you away when i had the chance to have you back in my life. but nope, i was absolutely terrified of being vulnerable and feeling anything. classic me.
the thing is, when will the timing ever be right
sometimes i like reading through all my old journals to remind myself how far i’ve come……and to thank my lucky stars that i’m not as much of a spazzy weirdo as i was when i was 12
i am too frustrated to sleep. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO SHITTY
WHY AM I SUCH A FOOL
time to stop loving people so damn much because apparently i’m just the girl everyone can walk all over and forget all about.
i’m too nice. i love too much. i give too many second chances. as in, always give them because i don’t want to lose anyone. but no one else really seems to care so why should i, haaaaayyy